Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Head to toe, spirit to soul

Is there a breaking point? It happens in slow motion. Breaking points work outside of the normal flow of time, weaving past, present, future quick quick quick all at once. That makes sense to me - a dramatic fork in the road can shatter a reality.

For a split second, all of my life's traumas and depressions rolled up microscopic as a pre-Big Bang egg a quark could swallow exploded soundlessly. It washed over me in waves so tidal they drenched every wall inside me head to toe, spirit to soul. I thought I would die for a moment stretched on in ironic limitlessness. I felt sad, helpless, angry, shamed, fearful - my mother's face at the center of it all. Then, it was over as soon as it started. It was like a RAR file spontaneously unzipped then recoiled.

Lapse in sanity is just a tiny lapse in our linear world, a glimpse of a far more enduring version of reality, truer than the kinds in which we typically participate. I still have no idea why it happened or what it means - just that it happened and could be the introduction to something more significant to come.