Distract

Distractions work well but when I'm alone to think on my own like this, the bad things overwhelm me and my heart hurts.

Ready for Goodbye

I am ready for night to fall, for the uncertainty of dreamtime, for the sparkling newness of the unknown. I am ready for the ride to begin, ready for my heart to beat, to make a mistake deep down in it. Ready for the unsteady, ready to rock my own world for a change. Goodbyes are just hellos waiting to be acknowledged.

I told her.

"I told her, don't touch me that way. Don't come at me with that sour-cream smile. Come at me as if I were worth your life.... Take me like a turtle whose shell must be cracked, whose heart is ice, who needs your heat. Love me like a warrior, sweat up to your earlobes and all your hope between your teeth. Love me so I know I am at least as important as anything you have ever wanted."

-Dorothy Allison

Stripped eyes and pantomime

Saltwater layer wraps my eyes, stinging, persistent. Blink and here comes the rain again. Bed sinks beneath a heaviness. Moving seems pantomime and all I can do is listen to sweet voices that are not mine. She is singing through my speakers telling me to run and come and run and come.

It will all be okay.