Struck open for the moment.

Something inside of me shifted just now. Something that was locked up tight released in a movement that could echo the grace of a magician's waving hand. Maybe it is magic in a way, considering the landscape. It is a momentary illusion that triggers full force an entire rethinking of reality, inspiring creative action. If the release could be audible anywhere else but inside, the sound would have been loud enough to vibrate the marrow in my bones.

Perhaps the most astonishing part of this unexpected magic trick is my heart and mind. They feel OPEN at the moment, so open that it feels like I'm breathing through them. While I stand witness in shock, there is a message waiting patiently for me to shake off my stupor. There it is, strung loosely like a scroll between head and chest: "I am still so full of love."

What a message. The reality of that hit me like a supernova flash, silenced in space. It trips me out. Here I thought I was full of hurt and shit. Mierde. Hell, one small but purely emotional part of me would even admit to believing I was worth the shit I thought I was full of. Now, suddenly, I realize with an intense strength that such a belief is not true at all. It seems almost foolish to have believed it but then again, it is not hard to understand why.

I feel another shift and now I'm like a bird flying over scarred land. From this high up, it is easy to see the whole picture objectively, recognize it not as awful or wonderful or in disconnected sections of rubble to pick through - just simply for what it is with minimal label-based artifice. The craziest part is that it's all beautiful from up here, damage, death, destruction, and all. Maybe I've just been so crazy inside I hit the end of the spectrum that loops back around into the sanity end. Crazy and sane describe the same "thing" at different points anyhow. Funnily enough, I somehow feel the "thing" I'm thinking of doesn't belong on a crazy/sane spectrum either.

For now, I will push the self-doubt aside and embrace the moment of clarity - of love even - and just be tonight.