I seemed bent on not sleeping last night. Too many thoughts racing inside so I channeled the jarring pace to other things.
I just left a message for the therapist one of my best friends used for her and her fiance when they hit a rough patch. The therapist specializes in same sex couples counseling too so that should satisfy Jessie's criteria as well.
A fear bubble is growing inside of me, right in my throat and heart, creeping to encapsulate my head and stomach. In our 5 year 8 month relationship we have broken up a few times with a complete separation being around 1.5 - 2 years ago. Every break up attempt - both partial and complete - had been initiated by her until a few days ago. I recanted my words only because she told me she would try counseling. I mean, what else have I got to lose, right? Now she is treating me like a fragile package, afraid to shatter this teetering tower of us and I now feel like I am living someone else's life, watching from the inside. Shadow parts of me bob to the surface and the old version of Chance once presented to the outside is in hibernate mode. I am not sure she'll ever wake up or if I identify with her because it's hard to let go of the old me. Maybe all that's left of her is a ghost. Ghost girl who was an equal actor in this relationship and now this strange girl taking ghost girl's place has got to determine if she will be able to even pick up where the ghost left off.
I don't know what will become.
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