Friday, June 12, 2015

Queen replaces king

Just like that, the new bed is here in the space. The space is the same. But it looks massive.

The mattress is softer. Yielding. Warm. Embracing my body. Queen replaces king.

It's strange to feel so heavy with sadness yet bursting with potential energy. Deep, dark, the air seems pregnant, waiting.

She's smiling. I know this. Even though I can't see or touch her. She's there. I feel. Sense her squatting, head down, thighs tensed. So kinetic. Snakey and springy. I wonder what she'll be like when she's here? If I'll like her. If anyone will like her.

But their preferences don't matter here anymore. I've got a big Fuck You cast hold me together until these soulbits finish transmuting all this life and death into some fucking amazing tapestry I dance with in the sunlight and wind.

Yes. Some day. And only I must like her. Love her with all the ferocity with which I love others.

The song on this playlist lets the truth in my heart come out to dance. I let it undulate its private show. Just for me, for now. Soft. Tentative. Tender. Vulnerable and a bit shamed and proud of how intense it feels to love, to care, to desire. It is the stuff that animals guard with all of the fight and flight.

It is also the stuff of amazing fucking beauty. I want to call it beautiful, give it room to breathe, uncoil like a bellydancers limbs revealing a body in glorious sensuality and richness. So I do.

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